Yes.

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Yes, we say yes. This song about saying yes to Jesus, to letting him have it all, has wrecked me in the best way on repeat as we transitioned to this new world of following Jesus to Kenya. The more we say yes, the more it seems to hurt? The more we say yes, the more we fall in love with Jesus? Both of these things? Probably more. 


My heart this time around, round 2 of living my life in Kenya has looked very different than my first round. The first term rocked me. Every expectation exploded, every known, pulled out from under me: death, loss, identity, loneliness, loss of comfort, and the list goes on. 


Second round, I’m a bit more free, more free in who Jesus sees me as; his daughter. This idea of what roles I expect to “serve” in, or how ministry is supposed to be. How pregnancy will be  easy like my first three, or how I’m supposed to share Jesus with a kabilliion people. When I get to just be his daughter, life seems to shift. I’m a mom, a mom who weirdly can stay home all day homeschooling, cooking, cleaning, and reading the same book to my kids on repeat. ALL things 5 years ago, would have RUINED ME to admit to doing.  


I needed purpose. I needed accomplishment that looked different than what I thought was good. I couldn’t stay home all day and be ok with myself. I had to do, to leave, to stay busy. Ministry looked like conversations and being in homes and learning to cook new foods. 


But now, now that I’m learning to be His more closely, and to be ok with that being my core identity. What I do and how I do ministry or if I even leave the house, is done in freedom. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. When I visit homes with my kids, when I homeschool and enjoy it, when I cook lentils AGAIN, I do it differently. 


Saying yes isn’t easy. He asks a lot. The more we say it, the easier it gets? Or the harder? Because you know he’s going to grow you. Growing isn’t easy, but you know what’s worse, staying the same, not being able to glimpse another side of Jesus’ face. I love to think of this God that I can never figure out, showing me glimpses of his face. What a special gift. So say yes, yes to being his and letting go of all that you let be your identity besides Him. He’ll keep you busy, he’ll keep you full, he’ll meet you, I promise.  




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