Heavy expectation.

 I’ve been asking the Lord to teach me, to trust me with more of Himself, to humble me and grow me. Why? Gosh, I don’t know. I know that if I ask, He will. 

We recently went to a spiritual life conference with our organization. They brought together 170 missionaries who cried and worshipped and laughed and broke bread together. There were brand new people to the field and some who had been serving for 40 years. One of those almost 40 years couples, always challenges me. 

They’ve served with the same people group, raised all their kids to love the Lord in a HARD place, they speak and it feels like kindness and Scripture, mixed with gentle realness and conviction. If they say something, it’s for a reason. She remembered my baby’s name and told me how grateful she was for my joy. These people feel like royalty to me. They have walked the walk longer than I’ve breathed air. They have remained faithful to each other, but more importantly, the Lord. They continue to grow in their love for Jesus and that is solely what drives them, that more would know Him. I asked her if they would retire to go be closer to grand babies. She laughed and said something to the effect of, ‘the more anyone brings up retirement, the longer we will be here.’ 

They will be the first to admit that their style of ministry has changed and grown over the years, mostly because they’ve grown to know more of Jesus and take His Word for what it says, and then act on it. They aren’t static, but they are steady. Continuing to grow in Him and boldly live it out. I’ve seen in their story to never think you know how the Lord will work. 

They’re one of my whys. Their stories challenged me to ask Jesus to grow me. I long for people to have the friendship with Jesus that I have, that so many have. I long for myself to never stop growing deeper in our friendship. It’s not going to grow if I don’t ask for it too. I don’t necessarily expect to see demons cast out and physical healings occur, or maybe I should? I mostly just expect my heart to grow, light to invade darkness, and Jesus to teach me a little more about himself. 

So, here I am. I have asked and this heavy weight of expectation is palpable. My thoughts, if ever they have a break from “mom needs” or even in the midst of, are worshipping and wondering. I’m going to steadily keep acting on His Truths. I’m going to step into that longing to know Him deeper. I know He will meet me. He always does. 

As I wait for Christmas, it also feels heavier this year. We wait and we remember in a place where many don’t know. Where no decorations hang anywhere, celebrations look more simple or not at all. I will bake dozens of cookies and we will write in many cards, in hopes that maybe some light of truth will be carried with our celebration of a baby. 

As I wait, I know that this other couple waits in a similar place. That many people wait amongst those who do not yet know the beauty of the babe. May we know our why. May it lead our celebration. May we not be static in our living. Grow us, oh Lord. Grow in us, we pray.